Friday, April 15, 2005

Did you file your taxes, my children?

AP Literature: Teeny little quiz on WSS in fifth period; work on multiple choice section in both classes preparatory for the REAL test on May 5. It's coming, whether we are ready or not. I think we are.

Gifted IV: Frankenstein discussion, part II,and more Browning.

Gifted II: POETRY COFFEEHOUSE. We will have cocoa and mood lighting and sit around and share poems. And wear berets. And snap to show approval of linguistic choices. Good times.

And now, what you all have been waiting for:

THE PROM SPEECH

Tomorrow night is the Prom for Boone High School at the Renaissance Hotel in Orlando. I know that many of you know all of this, and will do what you are planning to do anyway, but I think it bears repeating:

This is not the best night of your life.

If it is, I feel badly for you.

You have many other adventures awaiting you as you move through various rites of passage, and if Prom is the apex, then woe be it to your future.

So don't treat this evening like it is anything more symbolic or powerful than another nice dance. Don't feel that you have to make Huge Crushing Decisions on this night, or that you have to Try Something Just This Once because it is the Prom and you may never have another opportunity, or that you need to Show Him/Her How Much I Love Him/Her in that Dress/Tuxedo.

Lots of babies born nine months after the Prom.

Lots of scabrous diseases swapped about on Prom night.

Lots of kids arrested, grounded, humiliated, posted online, or worse--injured or removed completely from the planet--on Prom night.

I'm not trying to be the Moral Majority, but let's face certain facts. People can be stupid, and just because those people are wearing expensive or rented formalwear does not mean that they have control over their brains. Alcohol and teenagers simply should not mix. And don't even get me going on the incredible stupidity of drug use.

Six high schools are having Prom on this particular Saturday night, which means that the probability of you getting into an accident are higher than other nights of the year. Many kids will be littered all over the roads, trying to get home at a late hour OR trying to get to a party OR attempting to please-God-I'll-never-drink-again-if-I-make-it-home navigate.

So here is what I am asking you to do.

Have fun! Your spoon goes on the right and your fork on the left. A napkin, ideally, should go in your lap, and not tucked jovially into your bow-tie or decollatage. Dance. Take pictures of your friends. Take pictures of people you don't even know. Why not? Take a souvenir. Hug people--your date, your friends, your principal. Have a good time. Keep your dress on. Keep your tuxedo in returnable condition. Drink water or soda. And then, PLEASE, do NOT get into a car driven by someone who is impaired. Do not drive, yourself, if you are impaired. Please don't GET impaired. It's just another night, and I would like very much for you to survive to see more nights. Worst case scenario: You can call me and I will come get you. I WILL tell your parents, but you'll be alive and uninjured. You can e-mail me and I will check messages and I will come get you. If your date is a schlub, I will come get you. Any chaperone will get you a ride home. Any hotel employee can call you a cab. Do not ride home with some fool because you are afraid of being in trouble; there are far worse things than getting yelled at.

I love all of you. I have seen the deaths of 13 students I personally knew during my teaching career, and I do not wish to bury more. PLEASE BE CAREFUL.

And that's all I have to say.